If only you knew
by mew-xena
Summary: On 2 different days, 2 different screams are heard, for 2 different reasons. Both are filled with suppressed emotion, and both come from the same person: Raven. Why? Simple. He’s gone.


Summary: _On 2 different days, 2 different screams are heard, for 2 different reasons. Both are filled with suppressed emotion, and both come from the same person: Raven. Why? Simple. He's gone._

Okay, this is a one-shot I thought of a long time ago! It's not that good, but I hope you like it! Oh, and Raven's a bit O.C., but there's nothing I can do about that, it's essential to the story. Read on!

A loud scream echoed through the Tower. This wasn't unusual, of course, considering Beast Boy screamed as he ran from the others daily, and Star screamed every time she saw anything with more then 4 legs. No, screams weren't unusual. What was unusual was who was screaming, and why. They say that there are two types of pain screams: a normal pain scream, which anyone would give once or twice in their life, or the dying scream. A scream which you can only utter when you feel as if you're being torn apart, eaten alive, or fried from the inside. A scream of utter despair and hopelessness. A scream no that fills any heart that hears it with pure terror, and never fully unleashes it's grip on the victims of it's merciless song. That's the scream that ran through the Tower, caused by the one least likely person: Raven.

_If only you knew... my horrific past, how I long to leave this barren desert of my dream... if only you knew._

Beast Boy continued to bang on the door and scream, but Raven's cry did not cease. Finally, in utter desperation, Cyborg kicked the door open, just as the cry finished. There was Raven, on her knees, hands on the ground, tears leaking freely from her eyes. Her hood was down, her face pale and contracted into an image of pain. She raised her hands to her head as she started to scream again, as though trying to suppress the sound of her own doom. The Titans stood in the doorway shocked.

_If only you knew... what I go through at night to keep you alive... if only you knew._

Her wail slowly died down as blood started to pour out her ears, mouth and nose. She collapsed sideways to the ground. Robin and Cyborg were knocked out of their trance by the thump. They ran to Raven, kneeling down by her and started to check her vitals. Beast Boy and Starfire remained glued to their spot, staring at the hideous sight before them.

_If only you knew... how close I am to obtaining this goal, but I gave it all up for you... if only you knew._

"Move!" Robin screamed frantically. Star immediately flew forward to grab Raven. Beast Boy just stood there, gaping, as Raven's life blood drained away. That is, he stood there until an impatient Cyborg rammed him forcefully, but gently, out of the way.

_If only you knew... how my dreams changed, changed because of you... if only you knew._

Raven lay on the cold, metal "hospital" bed. Her bleeding had stopped, and she was deathly pale. Cyborg was on the other side of the room, frantically working the machines, trying to find something wrong with her that he could fix.

_If only you knew...that for me to live is to kill and to die is to live...if only you knew._

Raven cape fell off as her body started to go into seizures. Cyborg abandoned his machines and ran over to her, grasping her head and holding it down so she couldn't knock herself out. "Ya'll! Get your butts in here!" The other Titans came rushing in from their research to find a convulsing Raven and a shaken up Cyborg. "H-hh-help m-me rest-train h-her." He managed o get out through clutched teeth. The Star and Beast Boy ran to help Cyborg when Robin franticly worked the machines. Raven stopped convulsing, and laid there, head limp to her side. She fell into a dreamless sleep.

_If only you knew... that I live a half life, a cursed life, and all for you... if only you knew._

It was night and Raven was still asleep, mumbling coherently. Starfire, who was on watch duty, was fitfully dosing in the corner, waking at the slightest bit of noise. When she had finally slumbered off to dream land, Raven started to cry again.

"no..." she moaned. "Don't leave me here, not again." Tears leaked down her eyes. "Not again..." Starfire gently approached her fallen friend.

"Do not worry Friend Raven." She whispered softly. "We will never leave you. We are, as you say, best friends." She clasped Raven's hand and was surprised to find it burning hot. She estimated about 102 degrees. Never less, she continued to soothe her hand, seemingly completely oblivious of Raven's increasing temperature. Slowly Raven's cries turned to soft whimpers and which finally turned into a calming sleep. When Robin came in for his morning shift, he found Raven laying her bed, her face dangerously cold, with Starfire fast asleep in the chair next to her, still gripping her hand.

_If only you knew... what plagues daily, nightly every second of my life... if only you knew._

On Raven's third day of being knocked out, Cyborg was on duty. He was researching rare diseases, not knowing what else to do. He felt helpless, and that always bothered him. Suddenly, Raven burst into tears. Not tears like the last two nights, but tears you cry when your nightmare has just come to life, and you know you must face it, only to find that you've become the nightmare.

"Cyborg, Robin, Starfire, ... Beast Boy, I killed them... I killed them all... No!" Raven screamed as her body convulsed again. Cy pushed the emergency button and ran to her side. He tried to restrain, but was thrown against the wall as black energy seemed to explode from Raven. The other Titans stood in the doorway, watching in horror. It'd seem they'd been doing that a lot now.

"No!" Raven screamed again, then her body stilled and her power subsided as she began to cry once again.

"I'm sorry." She cried. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I didn't want to, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." The others watched on in pity as tears ran down her checks. They could only imagine what nightmares she must be having in the dark corners or her mind. All but Beast Boy, whose shift it was, turned their back on her and walked away. Beast Boy took one look at the crying Raven and sat in the chair, sighing and running his hands through his hair.

_If only you knew... how every time I close my eyes, every time I blink, I'm haunting by my past. How every time I fall asleep, I'm haunted at what is destined to be... if only you knew._

A week passed, and nothing happened. The Titans deemed it safe to leave Raven alone in the infirmary. Suddenly, another screamed pierce the Tower. But this one, instead of pure terror, echoed with pure joy. The Titans rushed into the infirmary, ready in attack position, horrified that someone could attack their dear Raven at her moment of weakness. But they found nothing out of place. Terror chilled their hearts. It wasn't what they had found, but what they didn't find... Raven. As another scream echoed through the halls, they followed it to the roof. Standing up on the roof, blazing in the sunset, was Raven, screaming out into the sky. When they came crashing up the stairs, she turned around to greet them. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. Robin stepped forward.

"Raven, what's going on? How come you aren't in the infirmary? What happened last week..." His question fell away as he saw the look on her face. She was grinning ear to ear. She looked at them, looked out towards the sunset and them back at them.

"He's gone." She whispered, so soft they could barely hear her. "He's finally gone. And... and I'm free." Surprisingly, she walked forward towards the Titans, who stood there confused. She looked each one of them in the eye, as though searching. She nodded, as tough satisfied, and turned away from them once again.

"I'm free. I can feel. I can hate, I can fear, I can laugh, I can fight." She hugged them each in turn, causing their mouths to drop and their eyes to widen. She smiled at them.

"I can love."

_If only you knew... how you're my one bright shining star, the light that lights my path... if only you knew. _

Did you like it? I hope so! Please try to review, but since it's an one-shot, I guess you don't have to...yeah, bye!


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